It was rather unexpected that I had to return to M immediately to clear some bureaucracy issues. It was very sudden and within 2 days, I was already making my way back here. I can’t say how glad I return but part of me still feel restless.. like I am not doing enough.. Or that I have to do something but I just cannot figure out what it is.
The first thing I did when I knew I had to come back, was to make an appointment with my T. I feel as though, this trip would be incomplete if I did not have a session with her. I appreciate how her door is always open for me ..whenever I am in town that is. She still wants me to update her about my progress every 2-3 weeks and that is something I look forward to. I will write about the session in the next post.
Things are starting to look like I will be staying in my hometown. The night before I left, I went out with my parents to get me a new phone and phone contract. I see the phone contract as a surety or most likely that I would be based back home. Before, I kept postponing it because I was hopeful for job opportunities in other countries. I am still hopeful though, that something might arise and I would have to relocate to another country.
Anyway, after my session with my T yesterday, I felt a bit reluctant to tell Bestie that I went for another session. I realised that whenever the topic about therapy arises, she would immediately change to a different topic. It’s getting a bit frustrating because she is the only one who knows some of the issues that I am dealing with. I feel like I could only open up to her because of all people, she being a psychologist, I thought would understand. Now that each time I really need to get something off my chest about therapy, I would talk to her but she would avoid it. I just don’t get it. I know she has mentioned before that she wants to see a therapist too, to deal with her childhood issues, but can’t she at least let me process my thoughts? I’m not even discussing about my childhood trauma – that I leave for when I see my T – but more trivial issues. I mean, whenever she needs to talk about her ex-bf, I said that she can process her thoughts with me (even though honestly, I am quite sick of listening about him but for her sake, I let her). I am not the sort who believes that ‘since I have done that for you, you need to do the same things for me too’. I’m not that calculative. Friendship may be about reciprocity but I don’t expect it will always be on the same level of giving back to each other. I’ve always known this about her but I thought she would have realised it by now. Oh well, I can’t always expect other people to think like me, don’t I?
So plans for the rest of this week: More relaxing, meet up with friends and trying to find a job ASAP!
Oh, last thing. Since I am a food lover, you can expect more pictures of food here 😀