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I feel like therapy has ended permanently for me. My T did say to update my progress every 3 weeks but I feel like “How long will that last before she losses interest in me?“. I understand she has other commitments and patients and to some extent, I think it would have been easier if she had terminated the sessions entirely rather than having this 6 months period where I email/call her for updates. I’m supposed to email her tomorrow but part of me wonders what to say, because I have a litany of things that I want to tell her but at the same time, will she have time for it? Sometimes I do wonder if she thinks about me. Or that when she reads the book I gave her, she’ll get a light bulb moment where she finally understands what I had been talking about in therapy so far.

In any case, blogging (cum journaling for me) will continue as I use this medium to pen down my thoughts. I’m usually quiet in person but inside my head it’s pretty damn noisy haha. I think and talk a lot to myself actually. I have been looking around for another therapist in this country but subject to the situation at home. If things are fine, without dramas, then I will not start therapy yet but it is something I would definitely do in the future. If not, once I start working, I’ll save up for bi-weekly therapy sessions just to keep my sanity in check.

Right now, I want to focus on myself – on getting myself as fit as possible, reading as many books, exposing myself to current world events and maybe review what I studied in Undergrad. I want to try Thai Boxing and see if hitting people (in a legally accepted environment) is for me. I want to bake extra gooey dark chocolate cake that has a hint of coffee with caramel fudge frosting. I want to see the world, meet different types of people who will share with me their culture, food and language. Anything just so that I can shift my focus to something else.

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