It had been rather hectic the last few days. I travelled out of country and then came back to have a final discussion with regards to my new job. Things to settle.. you name it. Just endless. One thing I am thankful for is the short time I had to travel. I managed to meet a few friends and had uh-may-zing coffees during my time there.
When I came back, something hit me. Really hard. That it was time to move on to the next phase in my life and most importantly, moving back home. I told my therapist that I wonder if the job came too soon because I am still trying to navigate my life back in home country + at home. I told her that I get lost in my own country (haha I know right) because the development here is so fast that I can’t catch up with it. There’s always something new being built and then I see so many unknown faces who are obviously foreigners. I am thankful for the job but I find that I still need some time to adapt to things. It feels odd to not be independent anymore – food cooked for me, sent to work, clothes washed and ironed. Not that I am not grateful for these things but it is different from what I am used to.
I broke down into tears that night and decided to call bestie to have a chat. You know what’s sad? It’s sad that when I really need to talk things out, I can’t find someone who will sit with me and let me grief. Halfway through the conversation, she decided to change topic and talk about her problems instead. So the 30 – 40 minutes phone chat was spent with me crying over the phone for 10 mins and her dominating the conversation for the remaining time. I mean come on, most of the conversations we have are about her. It doesn’t hurt to focus the attention on me once in awhile especially when I need it the most.
I am most disappointed that she doesn’t bother to ask about my condition when I told her that I went to see a sports medicine doctor about my leg. No question about “So what’s wrong with you? Are you ok?“. Just oh ok, you are seeing a doctor now. And I was excited about meeting future boss about signing the contract (which turns out to be tomorrow instead!) and there wasn’t any excitement or asked how it turned out. THAT’S SAD SERIOUSLY. It’s more about, what should I do now.. what is your opinion on this etc blah blah blah. And I thought best friends should be supportive and concerned about you? Hmm..